Say “you,” not “me”

To endure, talk to yourself from a distance

Do you talk to yourself when things are getting hard? Most of us probably have some kind of inner monologue going on — especially when we’re under duress, stressed, or trying to reach a challenging mid-point or end-point of an endeavor.

Obviously, what you’re saying to yourself can make a difference in reaching your goal. It could even be the deciding factor in whether you hang in or throw in the towel. I was surprised to learn, however, that how you’re talking to yourself — as in, the pronouns you choose — can impact your performance.

The findings come from sports psychology — a 2019 study out of Bangor University in Wales. While the goal of the study was to investigate the effects of self-talk for athletes facing a difficult physical challenge, they build off of findings about how self-talk influences people in social situations. I’m sharing the study because what’s true for athletes may also be true for you, even if you’re undertaking something that involves other forms of non-exercise exertion.

Here’s what they found: cyclists who encouraged themselves with self-talk using the pronoun “you” performed better than when they talked to themselves using “I” — 3% more power output, to be exact. In other words, “You can do this” may be a more powerful way of encouraging yourself than saying “I can do this.”

Why? Psychologists say that this — and other ways of talking to yourself from a distance (including talking to yourself in the third person, e.g., “Sarah can do this”) — help by creating a sense of distance. Alex Hutchinson, author of Endure: Mind, Body and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, explains, “one of the things that switching from ‘I can do this’ to ‘you can do this’ does is … you’re watching this struggle play out as opposed to being stuck in the arena, feeling all these emotions running over you.” (from podcast “How to trick your brain into running longer”).

So, on my next run or the next time I copy an encouraging quote for my workspace, I’ll substitute “you” or “Sarah” for “I.” Now that I’ve heard it’s worked for others turning their respective wheels (3% more power!), I won’t feel silly for trying it.

Sarah, you can do this. Readers, you can too.